I haven't made a direct mental health post in a good while, but since I wrote my BPD story I've felt much more open on my blog. I've since written a few post focused on my disorder & each have always received such a good response. Recently my mental health has gotten to probably what I would consider it's most stable stage in my life & it's made me reflect on how people cope differently. I'm not expert; yes I spent a year or two studying psychology but trust me I have no clue just like the majority of us. All I can talk about is my experience with my own mental health & those around me. But hey ho let's have a natter bout functioning mental health shall we?
I guess I didn't really realise there was a difference between how people really cope with their disorders till I started "adulting". As a teen I thought being mentally ill would be the end of my life; that I would never achieve anything I wanted & I'd never be stable. I honestly didn't realise that people can be functioning to the point that their life can be what they make it. Yes some unfortunate people are suffering to a point in which is does inhibit normal life & that is such a horrible thought. Some people will get better with treatments & go on to lead a life that's adapted for them but others may not. It's really something I can not imagine; I haven't been to any stage where I've had to put my life on hold to recover so I can't think what it's like for those individuals.
I guess you can say I'm lucky to be a high functioning mentally ill individual. Which sounds crazy really; calling someone who's ill they're lucky isn't what you imagine. But then again I am lucky; I can function day to day & get on with the "normal" life society has created for us. I'm not going to lie & say my mental health has never affected my life in a negative way because its done so on too many occasions to count. I left university because my mental health dropped to a severely low place; I actually developed anxiety at the time. Since then my anxiety issues haven't been severe but at the time I couldn't go into uni because I was having attacks. I was a complete wreck & luckily I chose to leave. I got better from then on; I decided to get the help I needed!!
From that moment on wards I've been developing my coping mechanisms & learning how to identify my initial symptoms so I can prepare myself. Just because I'm now better at dealing with myself doesn't mean that things are easy. I am lucky enough to be able to go into work & switch on a different me. I can get through the working day without my moods causing a big issue, but that's one part of my life.
My mental health is a constant battle; keeping my health at a level where it doesn't trigger a huge breakdown or breaking through down days to just get on with the tasks at hand. There's days when I just can't be bothered to function & that may sound lazy but not only do I work, blog, see friends & all those other things everyone does I'm constantly adjusting to mood changes & suppressing emotions. Its exhausting at the best of times, but I am thankful that the teenage me was wrong. I can live the life I want. Maybe I'm not doing the same things I dreamed of back then but I'm doing alright!! I've got a good job, I have amazing friends, my family are supportive & I have a stable relationship.
I may still be a complete mess at times but I'm still here & functioning. I don't hold out hope for a miracle cure in the future, I don't think I could even work out life without my BPD. I'm just thankful that I can still be the person I want to & can reinvent myself.
Shelley xx
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